i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
