Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just puked most of my soul out..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
