Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
