Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
smell my finger.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
