I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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