thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
