I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
