where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
