im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Found the puke drawer
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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