i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
