Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this boner is exhausting
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
