It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there's paper in my vomit.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
