i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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