atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize