the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
