this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you win again, gameday.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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