I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize