I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
