So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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