we have pet lesbian snakes
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
