Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
