I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
