Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
