Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
