At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
