Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
