You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
