I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The ass gains better be worth it
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