Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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