I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
