Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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