Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
