took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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