I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
