My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
