I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Come on in and take your pants off
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