God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
