dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
