Ketchup is God's man juice
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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