Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
