all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
