I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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