the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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