Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
