I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
