There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize