Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
