Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize