just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
