You can't motorboat a personality
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
