i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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