She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
