Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
