i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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