one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
