dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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