I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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