I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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