It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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