How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
