My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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