I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
