I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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