I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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