i was born a porn star she said
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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