I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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