Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
