mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
