I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
