im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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