Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
