ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
