drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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