I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
