Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
