my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
