i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
