honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
