i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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