No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
