i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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