just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
