Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
