I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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