Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
